He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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