I need to stop coming to work sober
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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