my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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