My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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