great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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