wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
