I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
