My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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