At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
