i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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