who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
