I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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