i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
