my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
