We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is it penis luge time yet?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
