I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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