nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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