listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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