Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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