Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
