Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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