I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
His nipple licking is glorious
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
