Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
