so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
