I am puke
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
