he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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