worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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