i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
