Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
