I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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