The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
