one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
