I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
