I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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