I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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