My first STD was from a foam party
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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