remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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