i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
