I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
