The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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