Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
