Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
