I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
