ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
