Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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