i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
