Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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