i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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