Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
