If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
