brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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