my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
