did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
