i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
