ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
