apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
